Senseless Acts Of Comprehension

RDA - Thank God It's Over

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 01:58:02 GMT

Radio Dead Air -

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I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

Webcam chat at Ustream

Sneak Preview

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 04:11:08 GMT

So, you've seen "The End of Time, Part 1."

Want to see the first two minutes of "The End of Time, Part 2?"

Here you go.

The End of Time

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 02:08:39 GMT

Well.

Hrm.

First of all, the end of this thing jumps beyond campy to the just plain goofy. I felt no menace at all near the end of the episode, just . . . befuddlement, and a sense of "Oh, come on!"

However, just after that . . . I said a long, long time ago that this particular group would return as the big bads for a season.

Looks like I was right.

Humbug and Such.

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:02:17 GMT

Well, shit.

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:37:33 GMT

My father's back in the hospital. Ended up there this past weekend while I was in Louisiana, in fact. Can't tell you how much I felt like shit being far away at a wedding while my dad was in the emergency room.

He came in with low sodium, and was cramping up and having trouble breathing. They've since found what they think is a pretty bad infection in his lungs. All of that's getting dealt with, but the overall problem is his emphysema's taken its toll. He still smokes. He's on oxygen all the time now. He can't do most of what he used to; even cleaning the house leaves him winded after five to ten minutes. He can't take care of the yard, he can't go out for walks.

My cousin and I talked it over, and I talked to him today. The best and most reasonable solution is that I have to move back home. He needs someone with him to help take care of things, and he's not the sort that would take well to a stranger doing that job. We've also told him that his smoking is over; both me and my cousin put our foot down on that. Part of my being there is to ensure that stays in effect.

But I don't want to go. I don't want to leave Savannah after a decade. I don't want to leave this place.

Mind you, there's not much keeping me here. Crappy replaceable job? Apartment I'm still leasing, all these years later? There are a few people here I'll miss, but not many . . . simply because my social circle has dwindled over the years. Moving would not be horrible. So why am I so reluctant to leave? Why do I feel like I just took a shot in the gut?

I just love this town, I guess. Leaving is going to be hard. I guess I'm still in shock; it's not everyday you have to take stock and make a life-changing decision in a very short amount of time.

So right now, I'm just kind of numb. I knew I'd have to pick up stakes and move on to the next phase of my life eventually; I suppose part of what bothers me is that the next phase takes me right back to where I began, and grew up. Charleston's not horrible, but I never wanted to go back. I just didn't. It felt like that part of my life was over, and I could leave a lot of sad memories behind there.

But there's a lot of sad memories to leave here, too. I don't know. I'm not happy, and kind of panicking . . . beyond that, I'm kind of shut down inside at the moment. My Dad needs me. It's just . . . it's a lot to process.

For the Holidays

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:48:50 GMT

Some madness we recorded last year, just in case you missed it:

Radio Dead Air - Chriskwanzanuhkahsticemas '09!

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 01:59:44 GMT

Radio Dead Air - Chriskwanzanuhkahsticemas '09!

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

Webcam chat at Ustream

Show for 12-21-09

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:32:20 GMT

Hey kids! Still in Louisiana at the moment. WeddingCon was entertaining, got lots of great footage.

Just wanted to give you folks a heads up: my plane's not arriving in Savannah until 8pm tonight. That means I'm going to be racing to get back on time to start the show. I left the system set up to start the minute I get in, but I may not be there precisely at 9pm. So, be aware we might be starting a tad late tonight, and be so kind as to spread the word to everyone else.

Thanks, and see you all tonight!

RDA - I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:47:20 GMT

Radio Dead Air - I Know You Are, But What Am I?

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

Webcam chat at Ustream

I Shouldn't Like This

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:08:50 GMT

Lady Gaga. Ugh. The name alone just invokes an eyeroll from me. When I first heard of her work, my initial response was to write her off as another Britney or Avril or even Amy Winehouse. That's how most of the "big" female names are these days: fluff, bluster and eye candy. Finding a shred of substance behind their work is like finding a diamond ring in a gumball machine. So I took this newcomer as "the whole Lady Gaga thing," not even taking the time to give much regard to her or her work.

Well, in going through videos for the new format, I stopped in and looked at her video for "Bad Romance" on a lark and found myself just blown away. She writes her own songs, and they're actually good songs. There's Queen in her work, and Bowie, and T-Rex, and the whole great Glam tradition of days of yore. "Speechless" is an absolutely stunning tune, and you'd swear to God it had been written by Freddie Mercury himself.

She might be very flashy and have a whole lot of money in production values, but so did the great old ones. Ziggy Stardust wasn't exactly a cheap endeavor, and it was pretty damned legendary. This has that kind of feel to it.

So here I am, enjoying something way out of my normal sphere of taste and all in all groking on it immensely. Maybe she'll give Bowie a run for his money on the longevity schtick.

Radio Dead Air - Video Killed the Radio Star

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:35:11 GMT

Radio Dead Air - Video Killed the Radio Star

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

Webcam chat at Ustream

The Next Iteration

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:25:52 GMT

For almost ten years, I've been broadcasting Radio Dead Air every Monday night at 9pm Eastern, come rain or shine. The number of shows I've missed have been miniscule; RDA has been my Monday night, no matter what. Every job I've had has been scheduled around it, my private life is scheduled around it. Nothing interferes. It's my hobby, my joy, my talent, and my passion. I love bringing you people music you may not have ever heard before, and funny shit from all corners of the int4rw3bs, and news, and all the content from my wonderful correspondants. I've adored having you folks as my audience.

And as of tomorrow, that's all over.

Tomorrow night, we begin the next era of Radio Dead Air. From this point on, in addition to broadcasting from Live365's web site, I'll also be doing a live video feed over at UStream. And no, it won't just be me on my webcam; we'll have videos from around the web, and music videos, and funny videos. We'll have brand new stuff in a brand new way, and it'll evolve just like the radio broadcast evolved.

But we'll still be doing music; at its core, that's what Radio Dead Air is all about. I'll still be right here, taking your requests, playing the music you want to share. We'll still have the chat room in the same place, and the web site's not going anywhere. We're just changing with the times. It should have been abundantly clear to everyone by now that an audio only broadcast just isn't feasible on the web anymore; video is so simple that literally anyone can do it. Hence, where we've arrived.

This will be a good thing, I promise you. From now on, we won't just be covering Dragon*Con and the Cam Conventions with a microphone; we'll have a video camera in hand to get everything on tape. It's really going to be a whole new era for RDA . . . and yes, even though we're changing, the name will be the same. Through make believe and reality, through a full decade, through fair weather and foul, we've been Radio Dead Air. At its heart, RDA is about music. That's never going to change.

So tune in tomorrow when things get freaking weird up in this motherfucker.

Torchwood Returns

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:09:17 GMT

According to The Doctor Who News Page, John Barrowman has said he's signed on to return as Captain Jack Harkness for Series 4 of Torchwood. They're expecting it to be a full thirteen episode run, but no production date has been set as of yet.

Given how amazing Children of Earth was, I'm looking forward to it . . .

My misery is so addictive.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 02:45:08 GMT

More new Tegan and Sara for your Tuesday night.

RDA - GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD!

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:00:17 GMT

Radio Dead Air - GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD!

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:21:12 GMT

Some of you may or may not have heard the news that TMNT co-creator Peter Laird sold the rights to Nickelodeon lock, stock and barrel. Laird retained the rights to publish up to eighteen TMNT comics per year, but as far as the rights to the property? Nick Nick Nick Nick, Nick Nick Nick Nick, Nickelodeon.

This is kind of disheartening. TMNT was the great indie comic of my far flung youth. I had the original series. In a world where the cutting edge at Marvel was maybe Frank Miller's run on Elektra, and the only really heavy stuff you could find at DC was Alan Moore's Swamp Thing, Mirage Studios produced a comic that blew most others away. Sure, the art was black and white, not to mention rough and raw when put up against the Big Two (Image didn't exist yet, remember). But it was a new style, a creative style. The stories were engrossing, and for the first time since I'd started reading comics, the fucking book didn't talk down to me.

The turtles killed motherfuckers. Raph was borderline psychotic. Leo had the weight of the world on him. Mikey was the group's kind heart, and Don was the level ground. (Also, the Jack Kirby tribute story "The King" featuring Donatello remains one of the best comcis stories ever told, TMNT or otherwise.) The Shredder was a sunuvabitch. Shit was real. People died. There were consequences. To my limited experience, it was genius.

That was Volume 1; Volume 2 picked up the story, same as before. Image published Volume 3, but the results were so atrocious that they've been struck from canon. Volume 4 began a few years ago, publishing sporadically but still coming out, and kept the heart of the original story going. I was loving it.

Peter Laird wasn't, though. That's why Volume 4 has been coming out at such a sputtering rate. He's pretty much felt trapped by the empire that sprung up from the property: the kiddie version, the cartoons, the live action films, the CGI film, the concert tour (don't ask) . . . he was at the head of all that. It kept his bank full, but it also kept him from doing what he wanted to, which was to make comic books. But he's all but burned out on the Turtles. At the age of 55, they've taken up 25 years of his life so far. I can see why he'd want to move on for a while.

I hope he comes back and completed Volume 4, at least . . . but I'm gonna miss it when it goes. And yeah, Nickelodeon has the goofy, silly, nonsense versions of the TMNT. Well, more power to them; the pizza-eating catchphrase-spewing "ninjas who never kill anyone or actually hit people with their weapons" shit was never something to which I gave much heed. All I was is a fitting end to a saga that pretty much launched my love of the comic book medium ages and ages ago.

Is that so much to ask?

Ouch.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:44:04 GMT

In case you missed it, Tegan & Sara have put out a new album, Sainthood. This track stood out to me:

Fucking ouch.

Would That It Were Real

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:55:33 GMT

New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free

I would buy one of these, even if I didn't have kids. And take it with me to movie theaters and on planes.

Why yes, I am a hateful bastard! It's so sweet you noticed!

RDA - Turkeygeddon '09

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:00:22 GMT

Radio Dead Air - Turkeygeddon '09

Please note we're in the midst of the "Get Nash to WeddingCon" fund drive. We're currently shy $80 at the moment. I intend to record live from Kathryn's wedding, and much hilarity is sure to be had. Please donate below! Only $80 to go!

Update: $75 to go! Come on, kids!

Update: $65! Keep it coming!

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

I Love Drugs

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:59:14 GMT

Ah, back on the meds.

I kick-started myself with an extra high dosage like I did when I first started them, way back in the day. Once again, it's like a switch got thrown. Intrusive thoughts? Gone. I'm able to focus on what I think of, dismiss the irrelevant, not dwell on things, not constantly remind myself of all the problems I have going on.

Now, I'm still not happy, but it's a "natural unhappy." This is the unhappy that normal people feel, the kind that's due to actual circumstances and not ghost emotions brought on by bad chemistry in the brain. And it's the kind of unhappy you can be distracted from, or actually come out of when given a reason. Right now, I don't like my job, I don't like my lack of funds and I have a lot of responsibilities that I'm behind on, but that's all okay. That's normal and it's not the end of the world.

For the moment, I'm just relieved to be feeling better and more in control of myself. It's been a while.

The Soundtrack of You

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:25:36 GMT

I'm gonna give you a preview of what's coming up on next week's RDA. It occured to me that I never do countdowns, and rarely if ever do theme nights anymore. Just something we sort of floated away from in the transition to being more of an out of character thing, and what with the new segments and the comedy and all that, the musical focus has drifted. After hearing two recent songs that got my attention ("Who Says" from John Mayer and "Can't Stop" from MoZella), I thought a bit more about the way songs used to turn my head and give me more than a few moment's pause.

I considered other songs that had done the same, over the long course of my life and up until now. Everyone has these songs. Everyone. You hear a song, and not only does it fix a point in your memory it changes the way you hear and perceive music from that point on. It's always a part of your mental iPod; at any given moment, you find pieces of them drifting through your thoughts. You know them by heart. They're integrated into who you are, and they color the way you experience the world.

I tried to do just ten songs, but that proved impossible. I broadened it to twenty, and even that was something of a challenge. Stop and think about all the songs you've heard over your entire life; now pick the twenty most important. And it's not just the songs, either. The artists themselves have an impact, so I had to make sure my list represented the singers and songwriters who make the biggest dent in my psyche.

These will get played next Monday, probably with more commentary. For right now, here's the list.

#20) Blue Oyster Cult - In Thee

I first heard this song on WNMF in Tampa, on the wrong side of the first serious breakup in my lifetime. I'd long been a fan of BOC, but before then I'd never heard this particular song. I can still see the particular stretch of US-19 I was driving on, halfway home in the rush hour traffic, thinking sad thoughts and coming into my "What do I do now?" phase. It's a song about not just losing love, but our place in the world at that moment . . . what we are to each other and to ourselves. Couple that with a breezy harmony and a lilting, flowing chorus, it's easily one of my unforgettables.

#19) Queen - Save Me

I've always loved the music of Queen. When I was very young I had an 8-track of their album News of the World, and I literally wore the poor thing out on my parent's home stereo system. Later on I got deeper and deeper into it, and when Freddie passed on I took the death hard. This song in particular was one that struck me not once, but over and over in my life. Situations changed, but sometimes this song just fit the times I was in. More than that, it's a great representation of Queen's work . . . Freddie's strong singing, Brian May's legendary guitar and forceful, pleading lyrics shine through in particular on this track. It easily passes the "I still know all the words" test.

#18) Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell

Oh, Meat Loaf . . . some people love him, some people hate him, but the man has left his mark. I chose this song not just for the singer but also because it's a stand out of the music of Jim Steinman, a songwriter whose work is so unique that when you hear one of his songs you immediately know who wrote it. I loved this album when I was in high school. I'd just acquired my first vehicle, a cherry red Mustang named Michelle, and I spent many a day and night with this tape repeating its way in a loop on my stereo. It's wild, it's bombastic, it's operatic, and it draws a vivid picture in the mind of youth, rebellion, daring and rock and roll. It certainly changed my expectations for music, and few if anyone else's work stands out so well or so sharply.

#17) The Blue Dogs - A Simple Complication

How many times have you fallen for someone who belongs to someone else? I'd be hard pressed to come up with an accurate count. This song is by a band from my home town, the Blue Dogs. It got a lot of airplay on 96 Wave back in the day, and it turned up on the dial at a point in time when I was head over heels for someone with a ring on her finger. The song kept time with the beat of my own young, demanding heart, and touched on exactly what I was feeling. When a song seems as though it were written for you and you alone, it's a powerful work.

#16) The Exploding Hearts - Making Teenage Faces

This one is by a group that got taken well before its time; they only released one album (Guitar Romantic) before a car accident killed most of the band members. Yet it really shook me not only because it's fantastic music, but because it evokes the sound of early punk pioneers like the Buzzcocks, the Damned and the Ramones. The fact it was recorded twenty years after the rise and fall of that era is even more remarkable; you can't hear it and not swear it's far older than it sounds. It's a tight, lo-fi tune that jerks you right out of your seat with classic three chord hooks and harmonies. When I first discovered them I was so excited I felt like I had to call everyone I knew, just to tell them about how amazing the song was. It's rare when music gets that huge a response from me.

#15) Pink Floyd - Nobody Home

We have all had our Wall phase. Everyone at some time or another discovers The Wall and either relates to it, appreciates it, hates it immensely or discovers how the music speaks to them. Kids like me found it and played the whole thing beginning to end, over and over, drinking in every nuance of the performance. "Nobody Home" was one of the standouts, mainly because it represents a moment of almost-but-not-quite lucidity on the part of protagonist Pink; he takes a brief, accurate stock of his place in the world, what's come, what's gone, and where he is right there and then. It may seem bleak, but for a brief moment he understands what he's lost, if not why he's lost it. The brilliant piano work that brings us into this song and the strings and brass that join it defy the conventions of rock and roll, and the quiet, helpless and sardonic lyrics not only strike home but spell out the story of a soul on the edge of ruin. The whole album's a masterpiece, but this one never fails to give me pause and sometimes get me to take my own existential inventory.

#14) X - Fourth of July

X was an LA band that made good back in the 80's, but slowly and surely faded away over the years. They had a vibe that was distinctly out of sync with the rest of the decade, joining other garage heroes like Husker Du and the Replacements. This song in particular has always been a favorite of mine, mainly for its near-rockabilly simplicity contrasted by the very vivid picture the lyrics evoke. It's just a simple tale of a couple about to fall out of love once and for all, yet holding on because all they really have is each other. It's simple and quick but it stays with you, and the chorus dares you not to sing along.

#13) Drivin' N Cryin' - Straight to Hell

This was one of those bands that burned itself into its era; when you hear one of their songs, it doesn't just take you back, it yanks you by the scruff of the neck to the then and there. Of all the many and varied tunes this band released, this one stands out in my memory. It's another storytelling song, but its done so matter-of-factly and unabashedly that you can't help but connect to it. Not only that, it's got a refrain that everyone knows by heart.

#12) Melissa Etheridge - I Will Never Be The Same

This one is as straightforward as they come. It felt like the song had stolen my story and spread it to the four winds, but the fact is it's one of those things that's universal. We've all fallen into that one relationship that changes the course of your life, of who and what you are, of what you'll be from then on. Etheridge has always had a flare for the passionate, and this song is one of her best. It starts softly and quietly and builds to a wail of realization, of the knowledge of the mark someone else has left on the deepest parts of us. Utterly timeless, utterly pitch perfect.

#11) Tegan and Sara - Back in Your Head

I came on this song when I was at a point where music just wasn't touching me like it used to anymore. It was like there was a blind spot in my heart and whatever I'd connected to in song before was lost to me. Then I randomly heard this song at the end of a television show called jPod, and my heart just plain jumped up. It struck me. It was fascinating, in lyrics, in tune, in the choices of instruments, in structure . . . it was just stunning. I hadn't heard its like before. I utterly and completely fell in love and became a Tegan and Sara fan from that moment on. It made music feel new again, and the fact I wanted to share it with everyone I knew spoke to how exceptional it was.

#10) Tom Waits - I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You

Tom Waits is one of the most talented and eclectic voices in the history of music. His songs have been covered by dozens of artists, and he's left his mark with what I call "The Best Worst Voice in the World." This song is a simple slice of life, a night in a bar, mulling over a drink and eying a woman with a heart full of could-have-been. My own personal experience with this song is strange; I'd already listened to it and loved it, but once while out in the wilds of Georgia, I listened to it and came to the realization I was in love with someone I really shouldn't be in love with for a host of reasons. I screamed and cried, pounded the steering wheel, cursed so loud I rattled the windows. It sounds horrible, but it was one of the very few pointed, honest outpourings of emotion I've had in my life. You never forget them when they happen, and you never forget what brought you to them. The fact that this song caused my own situation to click into focus speaks to just how powerful it is.

#9) Tori Amos - Silent All These Years

For some reason, in 1991 I just hadn't connected to Alternative yet. I dunno what it was; lack of exposure, where I was at the time, who I was at the time . . . it hadn't touched me. What little I was hearing just wasn't doing it for me. Don't get me wrong; the talent was all there, but none of it was speaking to me. Then I heard this song for the first time, and it was like falling in love. It was allegorical, poetic, deeply personal and charmingly simple. It made me think harder, outside the edges of the music and the words. It brought home poetry to me in a way nothing else at that time had done. I adored the rest of the album just as much, but it's always this song I remember as being the one that opened a door to a wider world.

#8) Stan Rogers - Barrett's Privateers

When I first came on this one, I was well into RDA and well and truly set in my rock and roll ways. I'd heard some folk-type songs through the years that had caught my ear, but nothing that had left an impact. This one did that. The viscous, larger-than-life description of one would-be seadogs trials and travails hit me square on, coupled with the beautiful and unforgettable power of Stan Roger's voice. It was an absolutely brutal song, one that took root in the heart of you and commanded your attention. It also changed how I saw folk music, a change that would progress as I went along in years but got one of its big pushes right here. Truly an immortal song.

#7) Jenny Owen Youngs - Fuck Was I

I first heard this song on an in-flight radio station on my way home from a convention. It was like a wake-up call in its matter-of-fact recounting of realizing how you can go into a relationship with such stupid, short-sighted notions of the outcome that when it finally arrives, you're kicking yourself black and blue. Yet also in the lyrics is a tale of how we leave ourselves open and vulnerable, and when everything comes crashing down we can't do anything but look in the mirror and feel chastened, humbled, and most importantly, different. It's also presented in an unconventional lilt of back and forth, up and down counterpoint of guitar and strings, and the stark voice of Youngs standing out among it all. It rocked me on my heels because it felt as though it knew me. This song knows where you bleed.

#6) The Mountain Goats - No Children

John Darnielle is one of the most talented songwriters out there today, and this song is certainly evidence of that talent. It's a blunt, brutal, and almost cheerful tale of a marriage gone to hell, to the point where there's simply no logical or rational escape except bitter, spiteful fantasies. Yet despite that (or even because of it), it's an enrapturing song just because of its unrelenting honesty and unblinking scrutiny of the situation. The lyrics are so sharp and so dead on the money that you're left reeling when it's over and done. I'd never heard its like before and to date still haven't. I first heard it at the urging of a friend not that many years ago, and it made me an unwavering supporter of Darnielle's work ever since.

#5) Syd Straw - CBGB's

Ever seen someone you were desperately in love with years and years after the fact? That's this song. It's two lovers meeting again at random, still connected in some vague way despite the gulf of time between them. Syd Straw's strong voice drives a fun and rollicking melody through the question of, "What happened to us?" It's a bittersweet tune that's made unforgettable due to the brilliant music it's set to, a rowdy and rocking bar band style that's flat out infectious. I heard this in my youth, long before I could experience this kind of complexity in my life, but it was so perfect a song I never forgot it. Somewhere in my closet is a jacket signed by this lady, a real sweetheart who couldn't believe I wanted her autograph to adorn my sleeve. You can hear how much of a gem of a person she is in this song.

#4) Blue Mountain - Soul Sister

The third "blue" on this list, and the one I'm closest to; longtime readers will recognize the band name. 96 Wave played their stuff back in the mid-to-late 90's, and when I heard this song, it just shook me. It was such a brilliant expression of the alt.country style, making me learn to appreciate the vibe in a way I'd never done before. This was how country was intended to be: rough, raw, honest and pure. It's a song about mistakes made, regrets suffered, and the fond hope of setting it all right someday. Couple this with meeting the band and in later years striking up a friendship with them that's lasted to this day, and I can't help but remember the very first time I heard their music and how it changed the way I regarded music in general.

#3) Richard Shindell - The Next Best Western

This man has one of the clearest, evocative, powerful voices in the world of music today, and he couples that with lyrics that feel little removed from being conversations yet still flow with the grace of poetry. I heard this song long ago in my Tampa days, and regarded it as utter magic. It's a tale of a long night on the highway, in the depths of the morning where the road belongs to you and you alone, and what that solitude does to how you see things and how you see yourself. It's a simply perfect song, sweeping and grand in a conversely understated manner, showcasing the very best of Shindell's talent. It altered how I wrote my own music and how I heard the music of others, and when it comes to "good songs" this is one that others are measured by.

#2) The Indigo Girls - Fare Thee Well

Few if any songs set me straight to tears the way this one does. It's the ultimate goodbye song, sad, sweet and gentle, reflective and regretful. This song is the horrible shudder in your chest when you know it's over, when you let go, when you try to pick yourself up and move on. These two women have a list of legendary songs a mile long, but this in the one song of theirs that sets me to trembling like a guitar string. It's not a fancy song, or a complicated song, but it's piercing and direct. In a word, it's majestic. Songs like these feel like spells being cast, unseen powers being called down, magic being weaved. They're few and they're rare, and it's rarer still when you can listen to them without crumpling a little inside. When music can strike right at the heart, every time, no matter how many times you hear it, then it's music to be treasured.

#1) Richard Thompson - 1952 Vincent Black Lightning

For anyone who knows me, this one's a no-brainer. This song is lightning in a bottle. It's a tale of boy meets girl, boy wins girl, boy dies in a hail of gunfire and leaves girl his prized motorcycle. Yet beyond that, it's a stunningly crafted song played by a master guitarist. Thompson played professionally from the age of 16, and the years of experience shine through. When you first hear the song and realize that the rich and complex tones are all coming from a single guitar, you're absolutely floored. Not only is it heartbreaking and achingly beautiful, it's a song that showed me the absolute pinnacle of what could be done with a piece of wood and a bunch of wire. I first heard it on a mundane morning in Tampa on WMNF while driving to work, and I was so taken with it I literally had to pull over the car and listen to it. If you've never heard it before, find it and listen to it. It's the kind of song that will change your life.

And there we are. You'll hear them all Monday. See you then.

Repeat, Shuffle

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:33:00 GMT

Chemical depression is an insidious little fucker.

See, it's like trying to run software on damaged hardware . . . sure, it'll kinda work, but you'll end up with a blue screen of death more often than not. So you reboot, you try to run it again, lather, rinse, repeat.

There's a phenomena associated with it called "intrusive thoughts." They're things you not only don't want to think, but you really don't have any reason to think, either. Things that should be over and done, stuff that's passed. You can embrace them as being finished on every intellectual level, but the screw-ups in your miswired head won't hear of it. Anything that brushes too closely to a way you used to feel, anything that resembles what you're feeling now (even though it's not real emotion, it's a chemical imbalance) . . . you cling to those thoughts. You hold on to them even when you don't want to, even when all they do is hurt you, or make you feel worse. Your brain is trying to make sense of why you feel so awful, and the only thing that makes sense are those old wounds.

So they don't leave you alone. You're literally at war inside. One part of you knows exactly what's happening and why, and is reasoning and lucid. The other part is flailing and chasing phantom emotions and feelings, spewing things into your thought process that don't make any kind of actual sense and don't reflect how you should feel about what's actually going on in your life. You don't get a choice. You're going to feel awful, no matter what good things come your way. You're going to dredge up things from years and years ago, because they hold a resonance to these wretched feelings and this flailing part of you is using them to try to make sense of itself. At the same time, it's just making it worse.

It's frustrating to be constantly clawing at yourself, stomping snatches of words out of your immediate thoughts, trying to keep focused at all times because otherwise you'll blink and end up wallowing for no sensible purpose. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to appropriate stimulus. It's what we do when bad things happen; we hurt. We suffer through it, we learn, we understand how to cope, we form a better picture of life and living from the whole experience. Most importantly, when all of that is done we move on. Some things never stop hurting entirely . . . break-ups, deaths, regrets, things and places and people we've lost. But those hurts are never meant to overshadow the here and now. They'll always be sore, but they shouldn't be constantly bleeding and never scarring over. That's how you know something's wrong.

I've been unaware of the whole process until I managed to stop and take stock of it, but I'm suffering some pretty serious symptoms of depression. From all accounting of life and what's going on, I've got reasons to be disappointed, unhappy and displeased with some aspects. What I don't have reason to be doing is focusing my attention on things that happened years and years ago, or drifting into fantasies of how I could reverse those cold and hard facts. Chemical depression is an utter bitch because it represents a malfunction. You can't think your way through it, and you can't just work the problems out. Every time you think you have, every time you think you've come to terms with the things your mind is demanding are so utterly important . . . the cycle starts again. It's the very definition of the word "frustration."

I've finally scraped enough cash together to order new meds. It'll take a while for them to arrive, and longer to kick in, but I'm sincerely at a point where all the normal methods of dealing with myself and my emotions are ineffective. Reasoning won't do it, talking won't do it . . . I know exactly what's wrong and I know I should feel differently, I certainly want to feel differently, but all the bad hardware keeps throwing up the old BSOD.

Unless someone feels like sending me free Wellbutrin while I wait for my under-the-counter solution to arrive (Isn't our health care system ever so grand?), I'm just going to have to muddle through in the meanwhile. Let's see how I manage it.

Radio Dead Air - Older Than Yesterday

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:00:54 GMT

Radio Dead Air - Older Than Yesterday

We're on the Darkmyst IRC network in #radiodeadair

I'm on both AIM and Yahoo as nash076 if you'd like to send requests that way.

The Doctor Commits Malpractice

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:59:01 GMT

Just watched The Waters of Mars, one of the final three specials that will conclude David Tennant's run as the Doctor.

There's something gloriously freeing in knowing that the 10th Doctor will regenerate by year's end; instead of trying to conceal it, the writing staff are just running with it, using foreshadowing and portents all along the way. It's giving them license to build up to something huge, rather than struggle to keep the suspense. The audience knows what's coming; the trick now is to make the how and why of what's coming the way to keep us on our toes. Waters does this beautifully, especially near the end of the episode. This one's not just dark, it's damn near pitch black. The rays of jubilation are few and far between, and for probably the first time in the 10th Doctor's run, nothing's much played for laughs. I don't remember even breaking into a giggle during this episode, and that's rare where Tennant's performance is concerned.

If there's any complaint to be made, it's that it moves at a glacial pace (pardon the pun) with the payoff only being in the last five minutes of the episode. We could have done with a bit more meat in this episode and a bit less padding; in fact, in a lot of the story the Doctor's more or less inconsequential. Yet at the end . . . oh, the end. Tennant takes a turn with the Doctor that not even a die hard fan would expect, and it plays it so well and so truly that you buy it without question. The man's definitely leaving a hard stamp on things before he goes, and this will probably be one of the most interesting stories that the show's told us. There are hints that what's to come may very well break some hard and fast rules of the Doctor Who universe, and the consequences are going to be fascinating to watch. The only shame is we have to wait until Christmas Day to get to the next part.

This episode's a good four out of five sonic screwdrivers; definitely worth watching, with its only fault being some pacing issues. They used an hour for a story that really only needed forty minutes. Plenty more and better things could have been done in that time, but otherwise a very enjoyable episode and much better than the previous two specials.

Now, we just have to hope that the payoff will be something a bit better than what happened at the end of the last series; if we get another Deus Ex Machina, I'm gonna choke a bitch . . .

Beaker, Lord of Anarchy

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:00:04 GMT

Apparently, a Danvers, Massachusetts Principal has banned students from saying "Meep," ala Beaker from The Muppet Show. The kids were using it as a manner of "disruption" (the article's term) planned via Facebook.

Now, at face value, this appears patently absurd. That's the sheer genius of it. The kids picked something so nonsensical, so non-threatening, so without context, something without any connection to being offensive or subversive, and turned it into a means of rebellion that's utterly brilliant. Most people who read this article don't think, "Damn those pesky kids!" Oh no. They're wondering what's wrong with the man that he would threaten suspension for saying a relatively meaningless and innocuous word.

It's absolutely stunning in how well thought out the whole thing is. To force the school faculty to move against them is to make said faculty look not only ridiculous but also overbearing and (Dare I say it?) even somewhat fascist.

These kids may be disruptive, but kudos on the manipulation of public opinion, the media, and even the sheep-like nature of the populace at large. They've got a bright future ahead of them, no question.